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SAT.
Suck Ass Test.
That's what that stands for.
This is the SAT I examination.
For the first section, you have 30 minutes.
Last year, 2 million kids took the Suck Ass Test
in order to get into college.
Scores range from 500, you're going to community college, riding a bus,
to 1 600, you're Ivy League, driving a Porsche.
It's a standardized test.
Standardized, meaning they see us all the same.
A kid...
... is a kid...
... is a kid!
Take this kid, for instance.
Kyle.
He's a good guy, who knows where he wants to go in life.
But for now, the SAT is standing in the way of Kyle's dream.
It's telling him, "You're just..."
Time.
Then there's Anna,
the overachiever. You know the type.
A future Ph.D. with a nice A-S-S.
Good deeds, good grades.
But the SAT doesn't care about that.
You could be the class brain,
a kid in the middle or dumb as a post.
When you walk into this room,
it's not about who you are.
The SAT is about who you'll be.
Well, I've seen worse.
I need a 1430.
I've applied to Cornell.
And what are your fallback schools?
I don't have any.
That's kind of risky, isn't it?
I mean, I'm looking at your file here, and while your GPA is strong,
your PSAT score wasn't so great.
Don't you think that 1430 is...? Is a little bit...?
When I was 7, I built a log cabin out of Popsicle sticks.
You can go in the halls, and five out of six kids are not gonna have a clue
what they wanna do the rest of their lives.
But Mr. Dooling...I've known since I was 7.
I want to be an architect.
As soon as I was old enough to realize
there's one school that turns out the greatest architects of our time,
I've wanted to go there.
Cornell University.
Cornell.
You know the guy who designed our bus barn?
He attended a community college just down the street.
Dooling said you couldn't do it?
That's Matty, Kyle's right-hand man.
They say misery loves company. Well, it really loves Matty.
Dooling said the standardized testing says I can't do it.
You're down to a 1 020?
Jesus, that's almost as bad as me, man.
- What'd you tell your parents? - What do you think?
We've never been so proud, son.
It's good. Look it.
Hundred and forty-three. That's what I scored.
Remember, Mom?
Well, look at the positives.
At least one of us is going to college.
Hello, Maryland.
Matty's girlfriend, Sandy, is a freshman at Maryland.
And he was now moments away from hooking up with her in the fall.
Open the letter, Matty.
Yeah, you're right.
Why should the fact that you're screwed ruin my big day, huh?
Oh, shit!
"SAT score insufficient."
This shit ain't fair!
Sandy's gonna be crushed.
You even know what SAT stands for?
Suck Ass Test?
Scholastic Aptitude Test. Then they got rid of that altogether.
You know what it stands for now?
SAT.
What?
SAT stands for SAT. That's it.
- That's fucked up. - Yeah, I know.
Sever All Ties, SAT.
I may as well sever all ties with Sandy.
There must be somebody we can talk to.
There's no one we can talk to?
Do you know how many kids wanna go up and complain about their SATs?
I mean, if one goes up, they all go up.
What about her?
Unless your father owns the building...
- So we'll take the test again. - Retest is in two weeks.
There's no time to get ready. And even if there was,
what's gonna change?
I better call Sandy.
She's gonna love this.
Yeah, Sandy's room.
Some guy answered.
Roommate's boyfriend.
He said, "Sandy's room."
- So? - So her roommate's Pam.
He'd say, "Pam's room", not "Sandy's room."
- Pam's room! Pam! - All right. All right, Matty.
- You're wired. It's the Red Bull. - No! No! No!
The SAT did this!
The SAT is pimping out my girlfriend!
Damn it!
We gotta do something, man.
They're messing with the rest of our lives.
Matty, the College Board made millions of dollars last year.
- You think they give a shit about us? - Just hear me out.
Because I'm not a dumb guy, all right? I know things.
Ask me... Ask me who's got the best pitching staff in baseball.
Or ask me... Ask me how to rebuild a carburetor on a '71 Buick.
Ask me... Ask me what icing is, for chrissakes.
- Make the point, Matty. - The point is,
where the hell's that on the test?
Because you learn the rest in college.
I show up for a job interview, there's a science geek, there's a math nerd.
Who's gonna get the job?
The guy who can throw down at the water cooler,
who's heard the new Ataris disk.
The guy who yakked in your Cutlass after the Radiohead show.
Me! Me! That's me. I get the job.
I'm still seeing no point.
The point is that they are not playing fair.
Why should we?
We know where the answers are. ETS.
Maybe we should borrow them.
You want to steal the answers to the SAT?
You have a talent, Kyle.
What you do with a pencil and paper, I can't learn that.
They have a test you're never gonna pass.
Kids struggle with the SAT. That doesn't justify thievery.
No?
Did you see my dad's truck when you drove up?
It's the one with the large crapper on top of it.
It doesn't say "Matthews' Septic" on it, Kyle.
It says "Matthews and Son's Septic" on it.
Look, if I don't get into Maryland, my life is shit.
Literally.
And it's not even my own shit.
Kyle. Dude, check this out.
Listen, listen. Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Thank you, Princeton, New Jersey!
Think I did "Smoke on the Water."
You hear that?
I'm worried about you, Kyle. One day, you're gonna try to regain
this lost youth of yours, you're gonna go into a shit pit.
Is that what you're doing, living at home, jamming with the dryer?
I don't live at home. I live above the garage.
It's a whole separate dwelling!
I've got my own phone line.
Hey, honey.
You wanna help grade assignments? We're teaching kids to bubble in.
First-graders?
Mom, most of these kids can't even read yet.
Well, I hate to say it,
but there's more money for the school in bubbling in than reading these days.
Now he gets it.
Just follow the money.
Standardized testing is taking over.
And it starts long before high school.
Test scores go up,
the schools get more cash.
In some cases, even teachers get paid.
It's enough to piss you off.
I mean, when you get the feeling that everything's slipping away,
that you're gonna be left behind,
desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, Matty, if you wanted to borrow the answers...
... how would you do it?
The girl at ETS.
The one the guard let pass.
You recognize her?
Francesca Curtis.
The web-page girl?
Francesca Curtis.
Talk about your forbidden fruit.
Do you guys know the name of that kid with the Percocet addiction?
No? No? No?
- I don't know. - OK.
If you have something for my page, you have to write it down
and slip it in my locker. I'll get back to you.
No, we're not...
If you don't know where my locker is, you're in over your heads.
Actually...
... we had something else in mind.
So you guys are gonna steal the SAT answers?
You should. You should.
I mean, it's anti-girl, it's anti...a lot of shit, but it definitely has girl issues.
It under-scores us on the math and verbal.
On top of that, the College Board settled a complaint
that the PSAT had a testicle bias for National Merit Scholarships.
So you'll help us, then?
- No. - Why not?
Pacey, I don't think you and Dawson can pull it off.
- Do you have a plan? - We're working on it.
Oh, OK.
- You're wasting my time. - Wait.
Don't you find it ridiculous that from day one, they tell us to be unique,
to be individuals, then they give us a standardized test
that makes us all one faceless herd?
Desmond Rhodes, superstar!
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
A hundred million dollars a year, 60 million of that from girls. For what?
To pick up a few stones to throw at a bully that doesn't fight fair?
Look around this place.
How many of these girls are gonna get screwed by this test?
What's that gonna do to their self-esteem?
On top of everything else they deal with.
You're preaching to the converted.
I know I am. That's why we approached you.
We need your help.
What the hell. It sounds like fun.
I told you.
Desmond Rhodes, superstar!
Desmond Rhodes, all-city.
But his grades are shitty.
What do you think?
I look good in red. I was thinking more of a Philadelphia 76er red, though.
Is that why you haven't taken the SATs yet?
- The pros? - Maybe.
- May I speak honestly? - Please, I wish you would.
Des, I want you to come to St. John's.
Because the fact of the matter is,
your game is not ready.
If you come with me,
I'll do everything in my power to get you to the NBA.
But if, God forbid, you don't make it,
you're gonna have a degree in one hand,
and you're gonna be prepared for life after basketball.
Now, you see, that's what I'm talking about.
So where do we go from here?
Well, that's up to you.
You know, your grade point average is a little bit on the low end
for us at St. John's, but we can work with that.
What you need is, you need 900 or better on the SATs.
Hey, Matty, don't freak out, OK?
- About what? - Just don't.
I won't. What's up?
What are you doing?
Remember the photographer at the basketball game?
The girl on the base line?
- You told Anna? - You said you wouldn't freak out.
That was before I knew you told the class brain.
Well, I'm sorry, Matty.
You ever think maybe we're not the only ones in this boat?
- What boat? It's Anna Ross. - I know.
What do you...? What...? What...?
Well, what'd she say anyway?
You know, I don't even know you,
but even if I did,
what you're talking about is wrong. It's cheating.
- It's a victimless crime. - OK.
Hypothetical situation:
You're driving, it's late,
you get to a red light in the middle of nowhere.
Do you run the light?
You see? You don't.
You wait.
Because a victimless crime is still a crime.
It isn't worth it.
Maybe it is.
Maybe I run it. It depends.
On what?
Am I trying to get somewhere important?
- So she's in? - She said no.
Yeah, but she knows about it.
Oh, you like this girl?
- Matty... - No, no, no.
If you're trying to get into her pants...
Matt, it wasn't like that. I just got the feeling...
Something tells me she needs this as bad as we do.
Oh, OK, something tells you.
Something tells you just to walk up to Anna Ross
and invite her to break into ETS to steal the answers to the SAT?
Some inner voice signed off on this?
- Yeah, it did, all right, Matt? - That is great, Kyle.
Hey, that's me.
Just because they keep getting younger doesn't mean you will.
Oh, here she is!
The game run late? Anna's the yearbook photographer.
Yeah, yes. A little.
This is Tom Hackett, a friend who might be able to help us with Brown.
Hi, Anna. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hi.
Well, come on, honey, sit down. Let me get that.
It's just her camera gear.
- Here, sweetheart. - So, great, great.
So, Anna, what types of things are you interested in besides photography?
Tell him about the pledge drive you coordinated. So wonderful.
We asked students to sign a pledge to refrain from drug use and...
Yeah, it was very successful.
- That's great. - She's also involved
in several other community-related projects...
Hey, kiddo.
I think that went well.
Oh, guess we won.
Yep, they did.
Your father and I have noticed the effort you've put into this retest.
What if I mess it up again?
You won't. You're gonna do great.
We're really proud of you, honey.
Hi, who's this?
Cleo?
I think I dialed the wrong number, but you sound familiar.
What's your Thursday morning class?
M.E. Lecture? Mine too.
Yeah.
Well, listen, I won't keep you any longer,
but before you go, my roommates and I are having this discussion.
Maybe you can help.
Yeah, what's the lowest SAT score you ever heard
of anyone who's gotten into Brown?
Thanks.
ETS has the entire top floor.
Can you get us up there?
Well, probably, but then what?
I don't know. We're not talking about a big heist.
It's as easy as getting in, finding the answers,
making a copy and getting out.
We just gotta think of the easiest way to do it.
You've assembled a crack team, chief.
Well, what was I supposed to do?
He knows everything. He threatened to bust us.
So does Anna Ross, but she's not here.
You told Anna Ross?
Yeah. He had a feeling about her.
Hey, was it anywhere near your crotch?
Hey, guys.
I have an idea.
The mailroom services the entire building.
They hire a lot of guys straight out of high school.
They won't know you. Just act like you own the place.
Yeah, easy for you to say. You do.
You want to know what we're up against or not?
You'll be fine.
- Cornell still worth it? - Yeah.
- Sandy? - Yeah.
- Good. - Good.
Because we're in it now.
Can I help you?
These are the new mailroom slaves.
You guys forgot your badges.
Losers!
Let's go. Pay attention.
Roy, what the hell are you doing here?
Other than bailing you out?
How did you get in here?
I'm the ghost, man.
By the way, just so you know, mail pickup
was this morning.
Waiting till the last minute, huh?
Hey.
- Hi. - Take a look at that.
Nice. Thanks, eh.
You think you can help me with that?
Photography?
No, that.
- No. I can't. - Come on, Anna. For me?
You ever heard of the term "stereotype vulnerability"?
It means that some students do badly on the SAT
only because they know they're expected to.
I'll tell you about stereotype vulnerability.
You mess up on the SAT, you gotta live with it. Your parents, maybe.
But if I do, I gotta read about it in "USA Today".
"Desmond Rhodes Is a Dumb-ass."
You know, just because I play ball,
teachers have been letting me slide through forever.
I'm not trying to say it's their fault, because it's not.
I did what I did.
If there's some way I could just get around this one thing...
It all means more to me now.
That's all I'm trying to say.
Excuse me.
Who are you?
Who am l? Who are you?
This is my office.
Yeah.
I'm from the mailroom.
Well, do you have something for me?
Yeah.
Well, could you give it to me?
Yes, I can.
My bad.
Let me get that for you.
Anything else I can do for you
while I'm down here?
Hey, hey. You.
Yeah, copy room, right?
- Right, right. - Great.
I need two copies of this on rush.
One comes to me, one goes to Ann Clark,
and the master goes to 51 0, got it?
Sure.
Great.
Hey!
- What are you doing? - I'm casing the joint.
Oh, thank you! Here.
We take it, they might get suspicious.
They can change it by next Saturday.
- Copy it. - Copy it.
Say hello to your future, Matty.
Septic And Toilets, SAT.
Come on, man, it was a good run.
What run? There was no run.
Yeah, well, whatever it was, it's over.
Francesca was right. We were screwed.
Well, at least she didn't bring the cops.
Or maybe not.
If I wanted to do what we talked about...
... will you need to know why?
No, but I don't think that's gonna be possible now.
Hey, can I ask you something?
Why'd you bail on your exam?
I didn't.
I saw your answer sheet. It was practically blank.
I was doing fine at first.
Then I came to a story question.
A woman boards a train in New York at midnight.
Three hours later, a man also boards.
For some reason, I couldn't get past it.
Where was this woman going?
- Why was she alone? - Time.
I know it probably sounds crazy, but it just hit home for me, and I...
I wanted to be on that train and just be...
... gone, somewhere.
I guess I just froze.
When I got home,
I realized how disappointed my parents would be.
I need to do great on this test.
Yeah. Well, like I said, it's...
If it's money you want, we can pay you.
No, it's not money, it's...
"We"?
Yeah, there's someone else besides me.
Please.
Don't say no.
Yes! Yes!
- No! - Come on, Matt.
- What is wrong with you? - It's one more person.
It's Desmond Rhodes.
Besides, I heard he was going pro.
No, man. He's not strong enough to be a four,
not quick enough to be a three.
Besides, he's got no left hand, and his midrange game, it needs work.
I don't see it.
I mean, Anna Ross, that's bad enough.
But do you know how high-profile Desmond Rhodes is?
He knows about it, and he wants in.
Anna says he needs it and we can trust him.
Anna says he needs it.
What are we, a fricking soup kitchen?
Which brings me to point number two.
Last I heard, we had no way of doing this.
I've been thinking about that.
- Hey. - Hey.
Was your father suspicious?
Oh, no, to be suspicious, he'd have to be interested.
There are security codes too.
They've got to supply the building owner
with a copy, in case of an emergency.
- Yeah, I can get them. - OK.
OK.
- OK. - I will see you Tuesday.
OK, I'll see you Tuesday.
- Francesca. - Yeah?
That bad, huh?
My father?
No, whatever. I mean, you know,
poor-little-rich-girl thing is played out.
It's like the oldest story in the world, isn't it?
Not if it's your story.
All right, I'll see you on Tuesday.
- I will see you Tuesday. - Bye.
And sometimes, it's that easy.
Shit happens.
People join the cause.
And you find yourself moving towards something
you didn't plan on approaching.
Only, by the time you're aware of it,
the plans of one become the plans of six.
And the plans of six become one.
We're eating.
- Yeah. - Bro, what's up?
- Who is this? - It's Roy,
from the SAT thing.
- How did you get this number? - I'm the ghost, man.
Give it to me.
- Who's calling, please? - What?
It's... Roy.
Well, Roy,
this is our dinnertime. We don't interrupt your dinnertime, do we?
- I don't have dinnertime. - Well, that's a shame.
Now, do you have some business with my son?
Well, I am,
at this time, assisting him
in his SAT exam preparation.
And I was wondering
if he could possibly pick me up this evening,
as I am currently without transportation.
Oh, SAT.
Well, there's hope for you yet, Roy.
Why don't you give me that address.
I appreciate that, ma'am.
And...
... may I say that you have an attractive voice?
It's...
... very pleasant.
Young-sounding.
- The address, please. - 4207 Triumph Street.
- With a T. - Triumph.
- All right. He'll be there. - Thanks.
Thank you, Roy.
Oh, God.
Be on time.
Francesca, Tiffany.
- Tiffany, my daughter, Francesca. - Hi.
- Peace. - Peace.
Oh, no.
P-l-E-C-E. You.
No. She was just kidding.
Dog, cool.
Socks.
Sweet.
What school gave you this?
It's my uncle's ride, man.
What school gave it to your uncle?
Why do you call yourself "the ghost"?
At school, man, I hear things and I see things,
but nobody hears or sees me.
You think?
- I got your cell number, didn't l? - So?
You got mine?
This fool is crazy.
Don't touch my shit.
Eight o'clock.
You're positive your brother's not there?
We got the place to ourselves. He promised.
- You're sure? - Yeah.
Oh, shit!
Oh, that's my brother. Hey.
What's going on? Salute. Salute.
Sorry, bro. Hope it comes out.
- What's up? - What the hell is this?
You said we could have the place tonight.
Was that supposed to be tonight? Because tonight is wine tasting...
Wine Tasting Tuesday.
What's up?
Oh, yeah.
- Wow, what's this? - Wine Tasting Tuesday.
Nice.
Look, Larry, Larry...
You promised.
Yeah, I know. But maybe we can do it next Tuesday.
All right, this is ETS.
This is so cute, this whole thing going...
I'm sorry. It was a misunderstanding.
Man, what the hell is she typing?
- I'm just taking notes. - All right, this is ETS.
- Who took that photo? - Anna took it.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this.
You look comfortable in your Old Navy cotton pullover.
You gotta get this look.
- Did I do something? - Yeah.
- You did, you got a 4.0 GPA. - Francesca, just stop it, all right?
Do you know what the fatal flaw is for most heists?
It's trusting the team.
So excuse me for being a bitch, but why is the valedictorian here?
I'm not the valedictorian. I'm second.
That explains everything.
Everyone has reasons. We don't need to know them.
Really? I think we do.
It's like "The Breakfast Club", where they get stoned and make confessions.
- Oh, sweet. - Maybe we should.
Maybe we should say why we're here.
- Kyle said we wouldn't have to, so... - I think we do.
So I'll start.
I'm here to make new friends. And for the wine, of course.
How about you, superstar?
I'm here because the SAT is racist.
Well, that didn't take long, now, did it?
You don't think so? Who created the test?
Rich white guys. Who has the highest scores?
Asian chicks. Middle-class Asian girls
who watch less than an hour of television a day.
They can't drive, but they can take the shit out of the SAT.
- Whatever. Why you here? - Because I'm not smart enough
to get the score I need, as opposed to being a genius
- who's screwed by the Man. - Matty...
It is. It's unfair to certain groups.
Like kiss-ass valedictorians.
- I'm not the valedictorian. - Right, you're second.
All right! Enough, OK?
This is the floor plan for the regional ETS office tower.
Here's the hardware schedule with security-camera specs
that are here, here, here and here.
- It's fruity, and yet, woody. - Roy!
Pay attention. Please.
Francesca has the lock codes, and we know where the test answers are filed.
- Shit. - If you guys think we can somehow...
- Yeah. - Yo! This thing hemp?
- This is never gonna work. - lt'll be OK.
Yeah, we're gonna be great.
I mean, all-state's phone is ringing off the hook here, and
Roy's trying to smoke Larry's comforter.
Hey, Roy! Roy! I'm serious, you're about out of here!
Shit. Shit.
Need some help with that?
No, not unless you can code Visual Basic.
Yeah.
- What did you do? - I don't know.
Some shit with the dynamic variables.
- So are we gonna do this, or what? - Yeah, we are.
- Can you turn off the phone? - You got a problem with me?
I got a problem with anybody putting us at risk.
So you think it's me? Fine. I don't need this shit, no way.
Anna, you down with this?
You guys see Desmond on TV this weekend?
Playing for St. John's.
He took 25 and 10 off North Carolina.
Matty, you saw it, right?
You were at your apartment with Sandy in Maryland.
I missed it. I had a date.
But my roommate at Brown is a big sports fan,
- and she said it was great. - You know what? It was.
I saw the whole thing from my Cornell dorm room.
Roy, you had money on it.
Well, I hope you covered the spread.
We can do this. We can all get where each one of us wants to go,
but we have got to trust each other.
You talk a good game,
but I think your mom's gonna come in with snacks.
This is serious. Some of us got a lot to lose.
I think that we all have a lot to lose.
All right, fair enough. Just hear me out.
Anyone who doesn't like the plan can walk.
OK.
All right.
Friday afternoon, Francesca will enter through the lobby.
The same as any other Friday.
Then she'll make appointments for me and Matty with her dad's firm.
What if he recognizes you?
- He won't recognize me. - Oh, he might.
- Hey, get down! - Freeze!
Hands up!
He won't recognize me.
Once I'm up and in, Matty's gonna sign in
and join us in Francesca's father's office.
- Where am I gonna be? - You're waiting in the woods nearby.
With that big-ass crow?
- Alone? - No, with Desmond and Anna.
- Oh, Roy. - Yeah, baby, you feel that?
- Give it to me. - Who's your daddy now? Come on.
Maybe we should all go together.
We need you on the outside
for when the night guard makes his rounds.
Their rotation isn't really precise, and we're gonna have flashlights.
So we'll watch out for the guards to make sure you cut them off.
Right. Exactly, exactly.
Now, inside, Francesca's gonna ask the guard
to disconnect the alarm on the rear door,
saying she has boxes to unload from her car, something she's done before.
Hold it right there.
Matty and I have 20 seconds to get inside the stairwell
before the guard returns to his desk and his security monitors.
We'll take the stairs to the roof and wait for Francesca's keycard.
From here, we're almost home. We get in,
we get the answers, and we get out.
Shortly after midnight, this is me.
Twenty-five minutes into Saturday morning,
and a whole lot closer to the rest of my life.
Who's gonna join me?
All right.
You smoke?
It makes kissing kind of nasty.
Then we won't be kissing, huh?
I know. I was just...
Why are you here?
I need the answers.
To join Sandy at Maryland.
What's so great about her, I mean, aside from being smoke-free?
You wouldn't get it.
- Try me. - All right.
I mean, it's like, I don't get the best grades.
I'm not really great at... anything.
But here was something that I was finally great at.
I was great at being with Sandy.
I could make her laugh, I could...
... guess what she was thinking.
And it was just...
... great. It was great.
And?
And I just can't wait to be great again.
Give us the bank's money!
Your money's federally-insured, you're not gonna lose it.
Think of your families. Don't risk your life.
Don't try and be a hero.
Now I want you to sit on the floor, put your hands on your head.
And so the day arrives. We had packed it,
rolled it, smoked it. Now it was time to ride the buzz.
- Yeah. - Hey. It's me.
Set your phone to vibrate, call me back, OK?
From here on out, we use re-dial.
- Tell Roy the same thing, OK? - OK.
Thank you.
Oh, shit. I forgot the bolt cutters.
- What? - Just kidding.
That's funny.
Here we go. Masks.
- Did you bring your Floaties? - It's all I could find.
All right, we're here. Answers are here.
Keep your masks on till we get past the security cameras. Just in case.
- You walk much? - My mask is fogged.
There's a camera around the corner, on the right.
- So stay low and tight to the wall. - What do we do if it sees us?
About three to six months and a lot of community service.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna look at your underwear.
Who says I'm wearing any?
Matty, you OK?
I can't see... I can't see through this stupid mask!
Just come forward. Come forward.
- OK. - No, go 2 o'clock.
Two o'clock.
- This way, this way. - Where?
Grab my hand! Grab my hand!
- Thanks. - This way.
- Nature calls. - Yeah, it's something, isn't it?
No. Nature calls.
Can I ask you a question?
Why do you smoke pot?
Something to do?
Why do you bite your fingernails?
This is it. Francesca?
OK, OK.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with...
... a serious waste of time.
Why would you lock the door to this?
This was it.
Matty, I swear, this was it. The answers went to 510 for filing.
Well, "went to" doesn't help us, now, does it?
I had the answers in my hands.
"One comes back to me."
Kyle, what? Kyle?
Shit!
- What are you doing? - Stop.
Who the hell was that?
That's Bernie. He's the lobby guard who hits on everybody.
- Well, he's early. - Where were you going?
"One comes back to me."
The guy I copied for said the master goes to 51 0 for filing
and "one comes back to me".
- What, you wanna call him at home? - I wanna find his office. 545.
Roy, what time do you have?
About that time.
Yeah. Can you see the far side of the building from here?
I'm gonna go see if I can get a better view.
Shit.
My phone!
My phone.
Shit.
Roy! Roy, the guard.
- There's a problem with my phone. - What problem?
Phone!
- Yeah. - Shut off the lights. Shut off the lights.
- Yes? - Sorry.
All clear.
Tell Roy I'm kicking his ass.
Hey, hey, I got it. It's office 545.
Hey. Maybe it's in here.
You know what this means.
Hello.
It's for you.
Is it a chick?
- Hello? - Roy, we need your help.
Who is this?
It's Kyle, Roy.
- Clyde's. - Dave, it's Matty.
- Hey, Matty. What's up, man? - I need some flowers delivered.
- Tell him roses. - Make it roses,
and you think you could hook me up with a bottle of champagne?
- Yeah, I think I could do that. - All right, nice.
- And I need a card signed, "From..." - "From your secret admirer."
"From your secret admirer." Here's the name and address.
If you could do anything with your life, and money was no object,
what would you do?
Anything at all?
When I was a kid,
I used to play this video game for hours, "Street Fighter 2".
And I remember thinking, "You know, people get paid to do this.
"To think up the game and to create the characters."
Like there's this one character, Blanka.
He's, like, half-human and half-lizard, who eats his opponents.
Well, I mean, you know, he either zaps them with lightning or he...
... bites their faces off.
It's pretty cool, huh?
So you'd design video games.
No.
I'd kind of like to be Blanka.
I was thinking someday I might wanna be an actor.
As opposed to solving world hunger or curing a terminal disease?
- See what I mean? - I would run a no-kill animal shelter.
Or...
I'd just be a mom.
Not just a mother.
I would be a real mom.
You know, one who cared more about the title of "parent"
than the one on her business card.
Or porn.
Hey, guys, he's here. Dave's here.
She opens up the door, you haul ass.
- What do I do? - You wait here with me.
They only need Roy.
All right, Flash, you ready?
You need to get off that bong.
- OK, I'm here. - OK, wait.
Not yet. Wait for me.
You sure they just need Roy?
- Maybe we should go too. - Just Roy.
All right, Roy. Get ready.
- You Bernie? - Yeah.
Delivery.
- Go, go, go! - Go, go, go!
Go!
Oh, hell, no!
Shit...
- Is he in? - What the hell was that?
- Francesca, is he in? - Yeah, he's in. Plus two.
What?
Oh, man, not steps!
We think the answers are in this computer, but there's a password.
- Is this the guy? - Yeah.
You're a filthy man, Arnie.
- What do they call this thing? - "Verification master".
"Mercer County SAT exam to be administered Fall 2004".
Print one. Print one. Print one, let's get out of here.
You need three other passwords and three other people to print.
- Can't you figure it out? - Sure.
Just give me six months and a ClA mainframe.
Well, that was fun.
- The exam's right here. - Yeah, you just need the answers.
Exactly.
Oh, I get it. Come on, team. Makes perfect sense.
We'll take the test now so we can steal our own answers.
Then we'll take the real test with the stolen answers we were
afraid would be wrong in the first place.
It's nice. It's really nice.
- So who wants pancakes? - Wait. Guys, the exam's right here.
Maybe it was bigger than us one-on-one,
but it can't beat us all together.
- Kyle, come on, man. - Matty, just try this, OK?
"lf it takes 1 5 people eight hours to make 100 items,
"how many hours will it take six people,
"working at the same rate, to make half as many items?"
Ten.
Ten hours.
D. Ten.
She's second in the class.
All right, all right, let's see.
"A ten-quart mixture consists of one part juice to nine parts water..."
Jesus, what lightweight's making this drink?
"lf X quarts of juice and Y quarts of water are added to make
"a 27-quart mixture that consists of one part juice to two parts water,
"what is the value of X?"
Nine.
C is nine.
No. It says, if X quarts of juice are added, what is the value of X?
We already have one part juice. So nine minus one equals X.
- Eight. - Yeah.
- D is eight. - He's right. Sorry.
No. Guys, don't be sorry. That's two down.
We can walk away right now, but what are we walking away to?
I say we trust each other and try as a group.
- He's right. We can do this. - Unless we run out of time.
So we split it up. Can you access this from another computer?
- As long as it's in this office. - Done. All right.
Someone's gotta take a crack at verbal. Francesca?
No, no. Me and words are not so goodly.
OK, Anna, you and I will do verbal. Someone's gotta do math.
I'll do it.
You sure? It could be a little...
Have you ever heard of the term, "Kiss my ass"?
Math doesn't scare me. You just take care of the verbal.
OK, who's helping Des?
Well, I guess I can.
But only with quadratic equations,
coordinate geometry and algebraic visualizations.
- Well, if you want... - Yeah.
- Hey.
Well, Hasselhoff, it looks like you and me. We'll watch the lobby.
You don't have to wait there. Guard's not due for a couple hours.
You know, Sandy liked this blue color.
True Berry Blue.
Not anymore.
You said, "liked". You said, "Sandy liked".
Likes. Whatever.
What's wrong, she doesn't call anymore?
No, she calls. She calls.
Yeah, but not like before.
She's busy.
Matty, it's over.
It's never gonna be like the way it was.
Don't...
Look, you don't know anything about it, OK?
Well, I know it's not healthy.
Yeah, and folding yourself up into a web page
because Daddy doesn't love you enough is, huh?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.
Then why'd you say it?
Because she doesn't call anymore.
Remember when you said that you were great at being Sandy's boyfriend?
Well, you weren't.
That's nice, Francesca. Why don't you just rub it in a little...
You weren't great at being some girl's boyfriend, Matty.
You just found someone who let you be OK with yourself.
- "X is to Y..." - As this shit is to boring.
What score do you need on the test anyway?
- A 900. - And you're taking the math for us?
I was afraid of the verbal, Roy. I can ace the math and still not get a 900.
So why don't you go pro?
You don't know my mom, man.
She all about college degrees. She worked three jobs.
If I blow my knee out in college, all I got is credits.
If I blow my knee out in the NBA, I got a four-year guaranteed contract.
Millions.
So, what does she say when you tell her that?
I can't.
You just don't know my mom, man.
All this because you can't talk to your mom?
- Can you talk to yours? - My mom's dead.
But if she wasn't...
Yeah.
I think I could talk to her.
Let me get in there, huh?
You know, a lot of people think these questions are difficult.
- Not me. - No?
No.
These questions all have answers.
- We good? - Yeah.
All right, let's get out of here.
- Roy, what's in your bag? - Nothing.
I needed some school supplies.
- Roy, you can't take this stuff. - Why not?
If anything's missing, Francesca gets busted.
- So? - Why did you take the guy's photo?
- Dude, his wife is hot. Look. - Come on, I'll help him take it back.
- We'll wait here. - Anna and I will be on the roof.
I can't believe it. This is so awesome.
You got your answers.
Yeah, that too, you know, but it's all of it.
We did it.
We haven't done anything yet. What's going on with you?
I don't know. I'm having fun, I guess.
I mean, I know how people see me.
Like, one of those perfect girls that everything always works out for.
I just always wanted to punch one of them in the face.
I'm not a robot, you know? I just haven't done very much. Yet.
If it helps, there's a lot of stuff I haven't done too.
Yeah, but I've never really done anything.
I mean, I've never broken curfew,
and I've never cut class, and I've never...
... made out on a rooftop.
- Shit. - What's going on?
- What happened? - Someone's here.
- Shit. - All right, grab my hand.
- We'll pull you up. - Wait, wait, Francesca first. Hold on.
- What's wrong? - Francesca's not gonna make it.
- We gotta go. We gotta go. - This shit's wrong.
- We're not gonna leave her. - We don't have a choice.
- Hell, no. - I'll go.
If you don't get through the skylight, we all get screwed.
Francesca knew the risk, so did you. Come on.
- He's right, Des, come on. - Come on.
This shit is messed up.
Come on.
Come on, Roy, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Matt.
- Matt, come on. Matty. - I'm good.
What? Matt, come on. Give me your hand.
- I'm good, Kyle. - Matt, what about Sandy?
What about her?
This one's on me.
Hey, hold it right there. Get your hands up.
Kyle, we gotta go.
- I can't do this. Guys, I can't do this. - Kyle, Kyle. It's done.
We're gonna use the keycard to get out.
Desmond and Roy go right. We go left.
Meet at the car. I'll bring copies of this in the morning. Come on.
So how'd it go?
- Don't you sleep? - Not tonight.
Happened to you, kid?
What happened to me? What happened to you, Larry?
You were supposed to be my big brother.
- What am I now, the walking dead? - Well, yeah, pretty much.
I mean, how do you think Mom and Dad feel?
I don't know. How do you think they feel?
Well, I don't know, Larry. Not good, probably.
Let me ask you a question. If you were a parent, which do you prefer:
A son who lives above the garage, or a son who cheats his way into college?
Next time you pull a heist, don't leave your plans on my bed, idiot.
Matty got arrested.
So, what do you think, fair trade?
I think that's a shitty thing to ask.
At least you're starting to sound like my little brother.
Maybe he's actually in there somewhere.
Is there anything you don't know, Larry?
There is plenty I don't know.
But I'll tell you something you don't know.
Did you know
that every Christmas after you go to bed, Dad, Mom and I always sit up,
and we talk about how proud we are of you?
How great it is to see this kid, right, his whole future in front of him.
And how he deserves that...
... because he's a good guy and he does the right thing.
Every Christmas for how long?
I don't know, ten years or something.
You don't think I would like to sit up with my family on Christmas?
Yeah, but you'd just stress us out.
Good night, little brother.
- Word of advice. - Why not?
Never take advice from anyone who lives above a garage.
How long since your mother passed, baby?
Nine years ago. I was 8.
That's a shame.
My son tells me you encouraged him to talk to me.
You're a smart boy, Roy. So why are you doing a stupid thing like drugs?
Something to do.
Something to do?
You know how they say, "Thank God my mother's not alive to see this"?
- No. - Well, somebody's mother is, Roy,
and I am not happy with this.
I'm sorry?
You get yourself a shower and some clean clothes. We'll wait.
Fix you some breakfast before the exam. OK?
I've been thinking about that, Mrs...
Desmond's mom.
I'm not taking that exam.
I mean, you know, let's face it, I'm not going to college.
See, and even if I did,
I'd just be taking the place of someone that really wanted to be there
more than me.
You're a smart boy, Roy.
But there's a whole lot of dumb dribbling out of your mouth right now.
Now, did you hear what I said about a shower and clean clothes?
Yes. Yes, ma'am.
You'll find I don't like to repeat myself.
- Get your ass up! - Yes, ma'am.
Fool.
Damn.
Not everybody can pull it off, but the dashing-criminal thing
- looks good on you. - Yeah? Wait until you smell it.
You know what I was thinking in there?
I need to work on being alone.
Or not.
Anyone ever tell you you're a hell of a kisser?
- Yeah. - Not as good as my cellmate, Ramón.
But it's not bad.
What about the exam?
Well, here's the thing.
After a night in jail with the worst version of who you can be someday,
the SAT ain't nothing.
How about you? You gonna be all right?
Yeah.
I think it's gonna be a nice day.
Sick And Twisted, SAT.
Secretly A Tease.
I completely have lost touch with who you are.
Unacceptable, Anna. You're out all night doing God-knows-what
with God-knows-whom. You're jeopardizing everything
that we've worked for on the eve of the biggest day of your life.
This is the real world. You remember that.
You feel pressured, deal with it. Feel stressed, deal with it.
You do not stay out all night. Do you hear me?
This is your last chance to get into Brown.
Oh, you know what? That reminds me, I'm not going to Brown.
Now you deal with it.
Wow. Check you out.
I just told my mom I'm not going to Brown.
The guys at Brown will be disappointed.
Hell, the girls at Brown are gonna be disappointed.
If not Brown, where you gonna go?
I don't know. Europe, maybe, then college.
What's up?
- No. - Really?
I already nailed the math, and plus, you don't know my mom.
- Roy? - Shit, man, you don't know D's mom.
I wanted to go back and get you, but Kyle said screw y'all.
Oh, yeah?
You look like a slut.
- I like it. - Thank you.
- I'm sorry, man. - Shut up, don't be.
Besides...
... it's not that bad.
- No, I don't need them. - Come on, man, take them.
- I'm serious. - Take them.
- No, I'm not taking the test again. - Matt, you got arrested.
Hey!
Unbelievable. Francesca?
- No. - All right, guys, what is this?
What? I wasn't in it for the answers. Besides, I got a 1460 last semester.
- You didn't tell us that. - You didn't ask.
Wait. Does this mean you're out, too, now?
- Do I look like I need answers? - You look like you need a pimp.
Wait, wait. Are you telling me that after all of this,
nobody's gonna even use these answers?
You are, aren't you?
- No. - Kyle, this is your dream, man.
Yeah, it is, but if they want to put a number on that, then to hell with them.
I know who I am.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
When did you have this little moment of clarity?
About the same time my jackass best friend got arrested.
So all of this was for nothing?
I wouldn't call this nothing.
Man, screw this.
You have 30 minutes.
OK, so I didn't cheat on the test.
But no way was I gonna let those answers go to waste.
Next year at Harvard, SAT stands for Stoned And Toasted.
Speaking of college, Desmond kicked ass on the retest
and decided to play ball at St. John's University.
His mom was happy. And trust me, you want D's mom happy.
Matty survived probation and some serious community service.
He once told me that he might like to be an actor.
If not, then just happy.
He's working on both.
Francesca sold her first novel.
It's about six kids who conspire to steal the SAT answers.
If they make a movie out of it, I wonder who'll play me?
He better be hung like a horse.
Kyle did fine on his exam. Anna crushed him.
He's in Syracuse, where his dream of becoming an architect is still alive.
Anna went off to Europe and eventually found her way to college
on her own terms.
Now, every other weekend in New York,
when a woman boards a train at midnight
and a man boards that same train,
now we know what happens.
Life happens. Romance. Adventure.
The stuff you won't find on a test.
I had the highest test score in the county,
but that didn't exactly offset my 0.0 GPA.
Eventually, I was forced, I mean, encouraged, to get my GED.
I still spend most of my time at home on video games.
In fact, the number-one-selling game last year was created by me.
That's right, baby. Standardize this.